


Boolean Buggery

by hannahrhen



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Computers, Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-16
Updated: 2012-06-16
Packaged: 2017-11-07 20:43:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/435242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahrhen/pseuds/hannahrhen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Somewhere, in a little city in California, servers log everything you seek on line. Everything. And, if Tony Stark were asked, he might observe that some things--just a few--are best left private. Say, for example, his intentions toward a certain Norse god ...</p><p> </p><p>  <em>One weird little story, possibly influenced by Rod Serling, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and HAL/Skynet.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Boolean Buggery

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sex God](https://archiveofourown.org/works/434540) by [Jaune_Chat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaune_Chat/pseuds/Jaune_Chat). 



> Read the awesome "Sex God" this morning, laughed my butt off, and then this happened. A sort-of more methodical, webtastic interpretation of how Tony might seduce a god ...

Once, the town of Mountain View, California, was known more for its location--south and east of the famed city of San Francisco--and less for what it eventually became:

An armory of data.

Now, deep underground in this transformed city, bits and bytes on servers track computer activity--everyone’s computer activity, at least if they use the world’s most popular search engine. Satisfyingly, everyone does.

Each search logged, each result clicked.

Everything stored. Everything remembered.

The wealth of information collected about seemingly private activities is enough to make a whore blush or a marketer salivate. For example, the nocturnal activities of an unmonitored--by his parents, anyway--adolescent boy in Wichita entwine with the “mostly” sanctioned inquiries of a small office of middle-aged women in Pittsburgh (who, in their inexperienced web fumblings, often type “zappos.com” into the search box instead of the browser bar--the servers delete these errors from their algorithms without passing judgment).

Despite this heterogeneity, you might still expect a special glow on a certain, special server tucked into a corner of the sub-basement. It houses the data coming from the IP addresses assigned to a singular building colloquially named Avengers Tower. However, It’s really just a machine like any other, perhaps with more colorful data than most--though you wouldn’t tell just from looking at its drab exterior.

What you’d find inside might give you some insight into the interests of the residents of the skyscraper--though, fair warning: We may discover that, sometimes, private data is best left that.

Private.

If you were to look under, for example, the user account assigned to the unique ID anthony-stark, you might blush, just slightly, whether your tendencies lean toward the prim or whorish.

Say, for example, we peek at anthony-stark’s search logs from two weeks ago. Differentiating his activity from other, common inquiries (“brave release date,” “benedict cumberbatch naked frankenstein,” and, even, yes, “boobs”), you’d find his personal search entry to be unusual indeed:

_“norse mythology” AND homosexuality_

It’s repeated several times, with clicks to successive pages. Early in the series of searches, this anthony-stark clicked on the third result (unknowingly--or more likely uncaringly influencing his future results): ‘Amazon.com: norse mythology Gay & Lesbian Books’.

It’s worth noting, the user anthony-stark, by clicking, had just ensured that he’d nudged his personal search algorithm further into same-sex interests--even more so than his long history of image searches for

_“girl on girl action”_

and

_lesbians AND dildo_

had previously managed.

Whether this user (who is likely male, the server can extrapolate from the name; likely forties, based on his search history; probably Caucasian, based on his image-search selections--and the search history reveals so much more) made a purchase is an answer to be discovered somewhere in Washington State.

Without, it’s fair to say, breaking much of a sweat.

It’s a few days before more search activity is logged. (And somewhere else, servers dedicated to news articles vomit forth result after result responding to keywords “doom,” “doombot,” “los angeles,” “thors [sic] hammer,” “hulk naked hollywood sign,” and, eventually, “los angeles freeway repair schedule.”)

After that pause, search activity for one anthony-stark resumes with the downright spare entry:

_thor gay_

The earlier nudge to his personal algorithm weights the results away from the personal pages of individuals named Thor Gay and toward--and the server has no judgment on this whatsoever--suggested pages and images also keyworded with ‘god,’ ‘thunder,’ and ‘cock.’

Again, no judgment.

Nearly every result--now better customized to this user’s interests (Safe Search safely off, for example)--has transformed to the default royal purple of a visited link. With server-enviable speed, anthony-stark had selected “Is Thor Gay?’ from an alternative answers site (going forward, enhancement of the master search algorithm will deprecate these rival sites’ results, slowly enough by design that all but the most paranoid users will fail to notice), but eventually worked his way to the Gay Thor Meme Generator on page four.

Again, whether he used the meme generator was beyond the scope of that one, drab server, but its drive space dutifully recorded a search later that week:

_“vitamin k supplements” +bruising_

In the days to follow, anthony-stark’s searches became both more frequent and, as recorded electronically, more focused:

There was the oblique “back door man”--which resulted, quite predictably, in a multiclick detour to videos keyworded with “the doors” and “willie dixon.” Eventually, though, a new entry was logged:

_“anal sex” AND “preparation”_

And, to the unseen-but-certain delight of several dank home offices' worth of black-hat SEO “professionals”:

_best lube for anal sex_

(The black hats, it’s fair to say, remain ironically, stubbornly unaware of the data collected on their own online activities, including the reasons why their searches for “boobs” invariably result in spectacular failure--returning mammogram imagery and only the most unattractive amateur illustrations of human-cat hybrids with breasts.)

That aside, we find one final entry from anthony-stark, entered quickly as if the user were mashing the keys in frustration:

_pickup lines norse gods_

At this point, it is dutifully recorded that the search effort was abandoned.

Of course, it’s necessary to point out that anthony-stark was not the sole user of this near-omniscient system. (For the record, these servers, nearing sentience but not due to reach it for just under half a decade, could only envy in a lobotomized way the wisdom of their distant older cousin, conveniently housed in Avengers Tower. That cousin--who, unlike them, was uniquely named--had advanced to feature a rudimentary form of the emotion shame, which was why it quietly, primly shut down its responses when anthony-stark attempted the same input. The Mountain View servers refused no requests. They would not feel shame for at least a decade after they reached sentience.)

Continuing … No, indeed, anthony-stark was not the only user identified from that suite of IP addresses. One not-alan-alda, during this same time period, entered these terms in the images search collection:

_“tony stark” gay?_

That particular search was abandoned after a longer-than-usual visit duration on the results page. Eventually it was followed by:

_how to get amnesia_

Finally, one last search that would be categorized neatly into anthony-stark's new same-sex-weighted data profile:

_"anal sex" AND aftercare_

This was deleted without the user actually performing the search--a new trick the servers would later feel proud of, when they were due to gain the emotion of pride, after sentience (but long before shame).

A day later, causing yet another set of SEO black hats to cheer, unseen, in their dank home offices, a newly-created user with the ID mjolnirs-master performed a single search:

_best gifts for new lovers_

This user made the middle-aged Pittsburgh females seem electronically sophisticated, it's worth noting. He also was as ignorant of the underground server machinations as those home-office habitating black hats, but, if the server could judge, it would say he had a better excuse.

His click on the first link resulted in a page keyworded with “red roses,” “bouquets,” “romantic,” and, although it was overused to the point of being--to the server--meaningless, “love.”

What the user did after that click was a question, of course, for another server, and another city, altogether.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I don't even know. I enjoyed writing it, but I know it's weird. If you made it all the way through, thank you!


End file.
